My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize