And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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