He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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