i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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