i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
