PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
