office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
