No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
