i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
