Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
