guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
