last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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