I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
