If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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