Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
