Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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