dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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