Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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