hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
