I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
