Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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