he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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