why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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