There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
