you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
