New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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