So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
