i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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