I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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