..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
