i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
50% drunk capacity currently
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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