im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
