and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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