Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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