Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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