After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize