if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
