I puked a lego.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
