Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
