Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
