Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
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I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
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Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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