That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
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When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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