There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
