put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
