hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
