paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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