Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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