you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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