Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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