I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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