I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
