i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
