I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
