Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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