Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
