Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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