we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
