the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I supernannyed him into submission
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid