Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
