I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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